October 29, 2008

How to Meet Your Older Self

What do you think of this time travel scenario?

I would like to see what my life might possibly be like 20 years in the future. I invent a time machine, set it to the year 2028, and go there. When I arrive, I find that no one has seen me for 20 years. I realize that I have skipped all of those intervening years with the help of my time machine, so no wonder they haven't seen me.

In order to be able to meet my 61 year old self, I go back to 30 minutes before I left and watch my younger self prepare the time machine for the trip to the future. When he isn't looking, I sabotage his time machine so that it no longer works.

He is visibly upset, but eventually he leaves the room, presumably to continue on with his life.

I set my time machine for 2028 again and look up my 61 year old self. We have a conversation about how the past 20 years have gone for him. Things have gone well, but he's upset that he never got a chance to time travel. I tell him that I'll set that right -- I just wanted to meet my 61 year old self once and learn about a few of the pitfalls I need to watch out for.

I thank him and head back to 35 minutes before I had originally left. I wait for 5 minutes until I see a previous version of myself show up -- the saboteur.

I sneak up on him and tap him on the shoulder. He's surprised to see me, but I tell him that I've already gone into the future, and met the 61 year old version of ourselves. I tell him about the things I learned.

"So now you don't need to sabotage his time machine," I say. He agrees and we both watch as that version of ourselves gets in his time machine, and disappears, on his way to 2028.

Posted at 05:04 PM | Comments ()

August 11, 2008

How to Clean Your Toothbrush

I have an odd way of cleaning my toothbrush. I do it two or even three times per day. First I run a little water on the bristles and then I add a little dab of toothpaste. Now, here is where it gets a little weird, so try to stay with me.

Next, I actually rub the bristles of the toothbrush against my teeth. I know it sounds odd to use my teeth to clean something, but I find that it actually works really well for toothbrushes. Because teeth are arranged in nice little semi-circles on both the top and bottom of the mouth, I can easily clean my toothbrush from just about every possible angle. It's important to rub the toothbrush against each and every one of my teeth, because this keeps the bristles from wearing down in any one particular direction.

Also (and I kind of discovered this accidentally) toothpaste actually has kind of a nice, minty taste! I've hardly ever come across cleansing agents that don't taste like soap. Do not try this with Comet! Most brands of toothpaste are pretty good for this method of cleaning.

Next, I run the toothbrush under water to get the excess toothpaste off of it. This usually involves rubbing the bristles a little with my thumb, too, because sometimes there may be some food particles from my teeth that accidentally make their way onto the brush. I should probably clean my teeth before cleaning my toothbrush, but I rarely have time for that.

Lastly, I make sure that I rinse the toothpaste out of my mouth. It tastes okay, but I'm not exactly sure it's edible. It is technically a cleanser, after all.

Next week: How to clean dental floss. Also with your teeth!

Posted at 04:12 PM | Comments ()

July 03, 2007

President "Getting In To" Executive Privilege

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) -- Late Monday night, claiming executive privilege, President Bush ordered that the heads of the twelve jurors in the Lewis "Scooter" Libby trial be brought to him on silver platters. Early this morning, the heads were seen on wooden stakes on the White House front lawn. During a brief press statement at 9:00 am, President Bush said, "They were warned... I mean, had they been warned, they would have known that returning a guilty verdict in this trial was just plain stupid."

In the past week, President Bush has cited executive privilege for numerous reasons ranging from requiring Nancy Pelosi to cut the crusts off of his sandwiches to changing Iraq's name to "Americaraq".

Asked if he is nervous about punishment for crimes he may be committing, the president stated, "It's not a problem. I'll just commute my own sentence. I don't know why they didn't tell me about this executive privilege thing during my first term."

Posted at 09:01 AM | Comments ()

August 14, 2006

Sound of a Dream

Brina suggested that we watch either Sound of Music or Requiem for a Dream with Steven tonight. He hasn't seen either of them before. As it was such an odd couple of movies to choose between, I decided that it would be fun to try to mash them up into one movie. Here's the synopsis:

Sound of a Dream
A woman studying to become a nun, becomes increasingly addicted to heroin. She takes a job as a governess. The children she cares for all become addicted to cough syrup, and they all spend their time getting high and singing. Captain von Trapp spends all day listening to the radio and eating diet pills. He hallucinates almost constantly, believing that he and his kids are on stage singing for Nazis.

Posted at 11:41 AM | Comments (1)

July 04, 2005

Darth Cruise

I don't know why I love this so much:
Tom Cruise Kills Oprah

Posted at 02:09 PM | Comments (1)

January 19, 2005

Searching for Randomlife

Here are the search terms that hit my site for December, 2004:

caught flashing
eyeball tattoo
the most important person in the whole wide world
david andreasen
carrie carson
balsamic vinegar stain
blue diamonds on a green field
hard drive squeaking noise
shirts completely unbuttoned
and you hardly even know you
how to unclog a shower
spinergy game
linda babel
shoe fly pie
jim irey

Posted at 11:09 AM | Comments ()

January 12, 2005


Weasley seems to think I pulled out the DDR pad just for him. He might be able to hit the Right arrow with his tail, but he's going to have a real problem with the Down arrow from that position.


Posted at 10:49 PM | Comments (1)